Mom Mind

It’s after 1am and I am exhausted, so ready for sleep, my eyes are heavy and yet my mind is wide awake. Most nights, if I successfully get my kids to sleep, I have a bit of time to finally check my personal emails, messages, scroll through FB and list items on my mom village gifting page. I do my finest work in the middle of the night. Despite my body telling me it is ready to drift off to (semi) sound sleep, my mind is like, “yea right, think again!” 🙄 If only I could give my brain a piece of my mind! …. 🤔…..

As many moms know, or will come to know, there is such a thing we experience called “mental load” that us mothers tend to carry by the tons. This “mental load” is an invisible mind controlling responsibility we end up taking on without knowing. This load includes all of the reminders, to-do lists, appointments, planning and scheduling of our families that help keep our households running. I have read several articles about how moms are the ones that typically take on this mental load, and it isn’t really because we want to, but we have to. I personally think it is our innate ability to multi-task and the need to be productive all the time (At least for me).

My personal mental load typically includes: my kids doctors appointments (or the to-do list item to call to schedule one), my son’s speech therapy appointments and all the other developmental evaluations, in-home therapy services for him (and scheduling with me and the daycare), daycare communications and payments, grocery shopping lists, plans for dinner for the week (which leads me to the Pinterest black hole of recipes), play dates for my kids, upcoming birthday party or holiday plans, general to-do lists, trying to remember to schedule in some self care (to no avail), and the list can go on and on.

While these are the constant things that run through my head on a daily basis, they really tend to linger at night time and can create major stress which results in a very late and sleepless night for me. Now my husband on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have the same weight of this type of mental load. And this is not just him, it seems to be a common denominator for moms everywhere. While men yes do have their own mental load to stress about, it typically does not come close to a woman’s mental load and isn’t thought to include a lot of these same items. I think it is because I am the one knee deep in these appointments and dinners that I obviously am the one stressing about it. It makes sense. And I don’t think it means that my husband doesn’t care as much as I do, I think it is just a difference in wiring in our brains. Regardless, I do wish I could expel some of my mental load on to my husband, but let’s be honest, my mind probably still wouldn’t let go of the stressors. I think what CAN help here is ensuring that is mothers communicate to our husbands about our mental load and the stress we are feeling when it becomes overwhelming. And more importantly, for our husbands to LISTEN, be more understanding, and try to take action where possible to help alleviate some of our stress.

Some may find relief by writing down your mental load and trying to leave it at the door, so to speak. Some may find scheduling in time in their days to take care of each “task” and then take it off their mind. Others may need some help and may need to talk it through with someone. I do this often when I am stressed with multiple plans in one day, talking through my plans with my husband typically helps me feel reassured that I can accomplish this all in one day or make it to back to back appointments etc. whatever you need, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Overall, I don’t think my mental load will ever decrease, no matter how many episodes of fixer upper I watch in hopes of drowning out my thoughts. But what I am learning to do is try to communicate more, stress less and “let it go!, let it go!”.

Now that I got that off my chest, cheers to a restful night!